I’ve written three drafts of posts today.
Nothing is sticking.
Nothing is coalescing.
Nothing feels finished enough to publish.
I’ve been re-watching all the episodes of Breaking Bad; I am guessing a lot of people out there are doing the same thing.
I want to re-watch the series knowing how it all comes out.
I want to look for foreshadowing and irony.
I want to try to make more sense out of it all.
I watched “Kafkaesque” last night. (Season 3, episode 9)
Jesse has been through re-hab and is attending a group therapy session. In answer to a question from the group leader, he describes how he learned to make wooden boxes in high school vo-tech class.
Group Leader: Jesse, (—) Let me ask something, if you had the chance to do anything you wanted, what would you do?
Jesse Pinkman: Make more green, man. A lot more.
Group Leader: Forget about money. Assume you have all you want.
Jesse Pinkman: I don’t know. I guess I would make something.
Group Leader: Like what?
Jesse Pinkman: I don’t know if it even matters, but — work with my hands, I guess.
Group Leader: Building things, like carpentry or bricklaying or something?
Jesse Pinkman: I took this vo-tech class in high school, woodworking. I took a lot of vo-tech classes, because it was just big jerk-off, but this one time I had this teacher by the name of — Mr. — Mr. Pike. I guess he was like a Marine or something before he got old. He was hard of hearing.
My project for his class was to make this wooden box. You know, like a small, just like a — like a box, you know, to put stuff in. So I wanted to get the thing done as fast as possible. I figured I could cut classes for the rest of the semester and he couldn’t flunk me as long as I, you know, made the thing. So I finished it in a couple days. And it looked pretty lame, but it worked. You know, for putting in or whatnot.
So when I showed it to Mr. Pike for my grade, he looked at it and said: “Is that the best you can do?”
At first I thought to myself “Hell yeah, bitch. Now give me a D and shut up so I can go blaze one with my boys.”
I don’t know. Maybe it was the way he said it, but — it was like he wasn’t exactly saying it sucked. He was just asking me honestly, “Is that all you got?” And for some reason, I thought to myself: “Yeah, man, I can do better.”
So I started from scratch. I made another, then another. And by the end of the semester, by like box number five, I had built this thing. You should have seen it. It was insane. I mean, I built it out of Peruvian walnut with inlaid zebra wood. It was fitted with pegs, no screws. I sanded it for days, until it was smooth as glass. Then I rubbed all the wood with tung oil so it was rich and dark. It even smelled good. You know, you put your nose in it and breathed in;
it was — it was perfect.
I’ve been thinking ever since I watched that episode again about these questions:
What would I do if money were no object?
Is what I’m doing now “the best that I can do”
The first thing to do — that jumps to my mind if money were not a problem — is travel. I would go to all those places I’ve dreamed of seeing. I’m sure I would get tired being away from home eventually, though. Then what?
Would I still be a music teacher? Would I still play the piano?
Would I still cook dinner for my family? Would I still make quilts?
I have the chance to make major changes now if I really desire them. We all do.
Am I doing what matters most?
Is my time spent where my values and love are?
Do I waste time on things that don’t matter at all in the long run?
Am I really doing the best I can do?
How would you answer these questions?
What would YOU do if money were no object?
Is what YOU are doing with your life now the BEST you can do?
I’d love to hear your thoughts.