Ebay with Attitude

English: eBay Logo
English: eBay Logo (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

I found a lovely set of china for sale at the thrift shop the other day.  (I described part of this shopping event in a recent blog post:  https://haskerj.wordpress.com/2013/10/31/actually-im-jealous/). The china was white with mid-century styling and a platinum ring around all the edges.  It was “on sale” at an even lower than regular thrift shop price for a set of 16 place settings.  We’ve never had china, so I decided to buy it.  When I got home, I looked on Ebay to see if I got a good deal or a REALLY good deal.

As I searched through many Ebay listings, I came across this doozy of a description that I HAVE to share with my faithful readers here.  Maybe I should call it a “buyer beware” blurb.  I don’t really know what to call it.
Hilarious.
Snarky.
Capital-crazed.
Sarcastic.
All of the above!

I’m copying the text here just in case the listing disappears. Maybe I’m just tired or easily amused, but I think this is quite funny.  I hope you enjoy reading it, too. (I added the photos to enhance the humor.)

http://www.ebay.com/itm/Style-House-Platinum-Ring-Assorted-Pieces-to-Choose-FromNice-Used-China-/310760270552?pt=Dinnerware_Serving_Dishes&var=&hash=item485ac16ad8

Unusual sarcasm notice
Unusual sarcasm notice (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

 

All of our items Originate from Outside Sources. We were Not the Original Purchaser of many of these items.

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Magnifying glass
Magnifying glass (Photo credit: the Italian voice)

Now..This Part is VERY IMPORTANT (Please Stay Focused)

Any buyer with an aversion to being around things that originate from other than a Sterile Environment, would be better served buying New. This is a Yard Salewithoutthe Yard.

Some green grass from early spring
Some green grass from early spring (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

These are Used Items. Known Fact.

We Do Not do Background Checks on the Previous Owner, or Potential Buyers, For That Matter.

We Do Not Know if Any of the Original Owners Ever Used Tobacco, Alcohol, Profanity, Drugs, Non-Fluorescent Bulbs, Had Pets, Collected Voodoo Dolls…or Anything Else.Now, You Don’t Know Either.

Voodoo Doll Dotees
Voodoo Doll Dotees (Photo credit: elasticcamel)

We keep our Inventory in Storage. Items may have been exposed to Dust, Pesticides, or any of Nature’s Creatures at one time or another, maybe not. Armed Guards that Serve as Maids are Not a Feasible Option at this time.

High quality ostrich feather duster
High quality ostrich feather duster (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Cooties

We Do Not have Items Professionally Cleaned or Cootie-Tested before

Shipment. A bit Off-Topic, but Disclosed to You as Part of the Item Description.

Some cleaning may be required by the Buyer, which is what everyone should do anyway. We Do.

============================

Stated Conditions:

Items offered For Parts or Not Working: This means that there is some degree of risk to be expected on the part of the buyer. These items may work, or they may not work properly. They may just need Cleaning. They may not work at all. They have not been fully tested. Any testing done will be noted. There are no refunds, returns, or adjustments on these items. These items could have a huge upside for the risk-taker.Please know what you are doing!

Risky Business (soundtrack)
Risky Business (soundtrack) (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Used Items: These items exhibit signs of previous use. There may be scratches, scuffs, or other Visible Damage to the physical appearance. Items have already been Discounted for Previous Use and/or Wear. There are no returns if the item has been altered or tampered with in any way. Security Measures are in place on many items to detect tampering or exchanging.

Tamper warning on ATM in London. Wincor-Nixdor...
Tamper warning on ATM in London. Wincor-Nixdorf Procash 2050 Cash Dispenser. (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

 

New, Other Items: These items are New, and may or may not include the Original Packaging. The Original Warranty will most likely be Expired. These items are backed by a Return Policy by us against DOA only. Please See Our Current Return Policy. There is no Return Policy if the item has been altered or tampered with in any way.

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Cautions:

Accessories such as power supplies, operating systems, memory cards, batteries, cords, ink, CDs, and the like should be considered as not included nor under warrantyunless specifically disclosed. If an ISBN says it’s there, don’t believe it unless we say it’s there. Ask questions if in doubt.

3/366:  "There are years that ask questio...
3/366: “There are years that ask questions and years that answer.” ~ Zora Neale Hurston ~ (Photo credit: theunquietlibrarian)

All items represent value to the correct buyer. That’s why they’re here.

If an item has notable flaws, they are noted in the description.

All items should exhibit some signs of use consistent with its age, unless we state otherwise.

If we know an item to be junk, we throw it away. We will make the final determination as to whether an item has value to the right Buyer or not.

Junk Store
Junk Store (Photo credit: Jason Rojas)

Please make no assumptions.

An optical illusion. Square A is exactly the s...
An optical illusion. Square A is exactly the same shade of grey as square B. See demonstration. (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

 

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Payment:

Pay Pal only Please, unless other arrangements have been made. Please pay for your item promptly. Items not paid for within 10 days will be relisted, and buyer will be blocked from further dealings with us. If you require extra time to pay, we only ask that you let us know. If you cannot adhere to this simple request, you may look forward to being appropriately reported, and possibly sanctioned by e-Bay. Non-Paying Bidders Waste Many Sellers’ Valuable Time and Effort, thus Costing Paying Buyers as an End Result. We do Our Part to Help Prevent this Abuse.

Sometimes you have to accept the truth and sto...

wasting time

 

=================================

More neat stuff:

Also, check out items being offered by

eBay Seller: booktrader007: Books, Collectibles items on eBay.com

====================================

Shipping:

All items are Insured against damage or loss. If an item arrives damaged, or in the rare instance, does not arrive at all, please contact us so we can make things right.

Ship Garthsnaid, ca 1920s
Ship Garthsnaid, ca 1920s (Photo credit: National Library NZ on The Commons)

==================================

International Buyers – Please Note:

Import duties, taxes, and charges are not included in the item price or shipping cost. These charges are the buyer’s responsibility upon Receipt.

We will not mark Parcels as “Gifts” to circumvent Import Duties. It is Illegal, and we don’t have the spare time for a Prison stint. This would not exactly be our idea of a Swell Time.

Prison area
Prison area (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Please check with your country’s customs office to determine what these additional costs will be prior to bidding or buying.

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If an item is marked “Best Offer”, please make Reasonable Offers. We have a lot of Personal time invested in this Venture, and Will Not be just giving thing away. Silly Offers will be allowed to Expire, (especially the ones that don’t even cover the Shipping Costs!) We would much rather find a needy family, give it to them, and save the Selling and PayPal Costs.

Road sign that explains the possession, use, s...
Road sign that explains the possession, use, sale or distribution of silly string is forbidden in the area during the Halloween season. Hollywood, CA.  (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

===================

Contact Us:

All Communication Must be Through the e-Bay Mail System. All Questions or Comments Must Be About The Actual Item. Any Abusive Behavior Will be Reported to e-Bay as Such, and the Offender Blocked From Future Dealings With Us, For Obvious Reasons. We’re Here to Have a Good Time, Not Deal With Whiney-Butts and Troublemakers.

Good Times

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Returns:

We Offer a Generous Return Policy Because of Our Confidence in the Items we Offer.Please Do Not Abuse It. We are Not Geared for “Extended Free Use” of Our Items at the Expense of Shipping it to You. We Work With Slim Margins to Give Our Buyers the Best Deal Possible on Hard to Find Items. Try Returning An Item to Wal-Mart After Using It For 45 Days, and Let Us Know What Happens.

Cart-Art-Walmart
Cart-Art-Walmart (Photo credit: Keoni Cabral)
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Published by

quirkyjazz

I am a pianist, musician, music teacher, choir director, mother, wife, daughter, sister, cousin, sister-in-law, friend, neighbor. I enjoy music (of course!), quilting, sewing, beading, traveling, kayaking, camping, biking, hiking, gardening, knitting, scrapbooking, cooking, reading, poetry, drinking good coffee, and having fun with family and friends. NOTE -- Creative Commons License: All work of The Tromp Queen (quirkyjazz, aka Jill) is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-NonCommercial-NoDerivs 4.0 Unported License.

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